guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
