2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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