the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
