If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
