you win again, gameday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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