yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
