in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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