Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
