why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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