Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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