there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
