My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
