My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
vagina is talking i cant
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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