How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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