Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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