Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
