apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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