Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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