The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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