I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
