Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
