Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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