My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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