apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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