I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
