Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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