you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
