I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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