i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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