It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
