Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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