I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
