Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
