yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
