I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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