No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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