capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
