I'm really into asian looking animals
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We just shotgunned beers for America
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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