I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
