Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
