My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
