i think my tv is drunk
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
