You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
