Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
