He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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