He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
