I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
