Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
