Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
