i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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