I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
