soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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