We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
